Happy Birthday to Me!

Monday's my birthday.
Tomorrow I'm going to get drunk.
Naiomi got me the awesomest present. A red swingline stapler.
I'm such a fucking nerd.

(Heather is doing that Pooh cross stitch for my birthday because it made me laugh. If you can't read it, it says "P is for Pooh, the best kind of friend". I asked her if she could add a steamy coil of poo at his feet. I hope she does.)

I should have done this 2 years ago (or, Now we have a place to gossip)

I finally got myself a water cooler for my house and I've gotta say, I'm pretty freakin happy about it.
Cold water that doesn't taste like shit that was shit out by someone who's been drinking nothing but lake water for 3 years and then shit out this shitty water. It's a fucking miracle.
I also found a company that gave me a cooler for free, with a room temp and cold tap. So if anyone's asking I'd suggest Rainsoft, because so far I'm super happy.
Water, Fuck yeah!

(On a completely unrelated note - blogger thought that Freakin should be replaced with foreskin.)

Dear Stupid Lady:

Would you kindly get the hell out of my way!
Although your appearance would indicate otherwise you can't possibly be stupid enough not to notice that I'm trying to work. Trust me, it won't kill you to stand aside for 5 fucking seconds so I can do my job. The movies will all still be there when I'm done.
What fucking planet are you from that shoving someone out of the way to see what's on a goddamned trolley is acceptable behaviour!? And for fuck sakes, I've said it before, standing half a goddamned foot away from me is not going to get me to work any faster. Seriously.
So if you wouldn't mind, could you please pull your dull witted head out of your fat ass and try and act like a human being for just a little while.

Your's in aggrivation,
-Gwenhwyfar

Quiz time... again

I found this quiz on another blog somewhere. No, I don't know where, but I'm bored so I'm filling it out.
Here's the deal - it's all answered with songs from my computers music library. I didn't pick them. You set iTunes or whatever to random and anwer the questions with the songs as they come up. You follow?
Yeah, I'm just that exciting. (And my music collection is just that great.)

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Will I get far in life?
Dead like me - Stewart Copeland

How do my friends see me?
Old Souls - Paul Williams

Where will I get married?
Wake me up when September ends - Green Day

What is my best friend’s theme song?
Self Esteem - Offspring

What is the story of my life?
Incence and Peppermint - Strawberry Alarmclock

What was high school like?
Dust in the Wind - Kansas

How can I get ahead in life?
Immigrant Song - Led Zepplin

What is the best thing about me?
Faust - Paul Williams

How is today going to be?
Don't let me be misunderstood - Santa Esmerelda

What is in store for this weekend?
My Mood Swings - Elvis Costello

What song describes my parents?
Lime in the Coconut - Harry Nilsson

My grandparents?
The Man in Me - Bob Dylan

How is my life going?
Drunken Lullabies - Flogging Molly

What song will they play at my funeral?
Special to Me - Paul Williams

How does the world see me?
Nobody fucks with the Jesus / Salty Dog - Flogging Molly

Will I have a happy life?
Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In) - Kenny Rogers & the First Edition

What do my friends really think of me?
Selfish Man - Flogging Molly

Do people secretly lust after me?
Twilight - Squirrel Nut Zippers

How can I make myself happy?
Don't fear the reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

What should I do with my life?
Goodnight moon - Shivaree

Will I ever have children?
Death Valley Queen - Flogging Molly

What is some good advice?
The Hell of it - Paul Williams

What is my signature dancing song?
Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson

What do I think my current theme song is?
The Suits are picking up the bill - Squirrel Nut Zippers

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Tom's Dinner - Suzanne Vega

What type of men/women do you like?
Carry me, Carrie - Dr. Hook

Just for a moment...

...I need to be serious. It's something I try not to do too much, but just for right now I have to be.
I've been seeing lots of my doctor since late last year, I went for a routine check-up and wound up with a kidney specialist. A few months ago they sent me for a biopsy (I'm skimming over lots, but trust me, the details are boring). On Tues. I went back to the specialist to find out when the biopsy showed.
When I went in the morning, I wasn't feeling too bad. For once in my life I wasn't worried to the point of being sick.
The waiting room changed that.
I got there early and sat waiting for what seemed like forever.
I hate doctors and a waiting room is the last place I want to be. The room was crowded, which made things worse. Mostly old people and I sat thinking that I didn't want to be one of them - the sick people I mean, one of those people who needs a specialist.
I wanted to be 21 and healthy and not have to worry about this shit. I didn't want to think about how many times this situation could be repeated, me sitting here waiting with the other sick people, to hear what the doctor has to say this time. I didn't want to think about how it could get so much worse, how I could end up one of those people that others see and feel sorry for, one of those people you just know is sick, one of those people with the permanently scared look in their eyes, one of those people who has to face their mortality.
Instead, after finally getting in to see the doctor, I'm told that I have a kidney disease.
MPGN.
I don't know what that means, really I still don't.
He doesn't want to talk about the long term.
I tell him that's too bad, because we're going to talk about it.
He tells me that there's no real treatment.
Great.
But it could work itself out.
Better.
Or it could go on like this forever.
Wonderful.
Or the condition could worsen and I could end up in kidney failure. 10 maybe 20 years he says.
Swell.
He also tells me to loose some weight, that pisses me off, but he might as well hit me while I'm down - right?
I leave his office feeling sick and angry and confused. I don't understand most of what he tells me. I meet up with a friend of mine and I laugh it off. No big deal. I'm sure it'll be fine. I still feel sick.
I move on. I try not to think about it and just move on.
Today my uncle's girlfriend tells me she has the same thing. She developed it as a result of lupus. She tries to make me feel better, give me some advise. It doesn't work, it's not her fault, it just doesn't work. I feel worse. Although she tells me a whole lot more than the doctor ever did.
I need to make a lot of changes. Start drinking lots of water, cut out salt, no alcohol (I still plan on drinking on my birthday). I won't fix the problem, but she says it will help.
They told her she could make it to her late 60's... she's older than I am. That would make me 40.
I always said I never thought I'd make it past 40.
Even my life line has a huge break in it near the end, if you buy in to that sort of thing.
She also tells me that transplants have a 90% rejection rate. I know she's just giving me the facts and that it's true, it just doesn't make me feel any better about it.
I feel like I've been handed a death sentence.
I can work at it and make things easier, but it still isn't good.
It scares me more than I can say to think that my cats may out live me.
I wonder if I should bother saving to buy a house.
Maybe I won't need it.
I suppose I could save, if worse comes to worse, at least there'll be money for a coffin.
Maybe it'll be fine. Maybe I shouldn't worry.
I just wanted to be like everyone else.
Just this once.
I guess you don't always get what you want.

Quiz time

Jay, over at the incredibly lame blog posted this quiz on his site, and since I'm being real creative this morning I'm also posting it.
Here goes nothing.

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Do you bite your nails?: Some times, but I try not to.
Can you roll your tongue?: Yes
Can you raise one eyebrow?: Yes, either one.
Can you blow smoke rings?: Indeed I can.
Can you blow spit bubbles?: Nope
Can you cross your eyes?: Yep
Tattoos?: Not yet.
Piercing and where? Just my septum.
Do you make your bed daily?: Hahahahahahaha.... no
Which shoe goes on first?: It's not something I do on purpose, but the right one usually goes on first.
Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?: Honestly, who throws a shoe?
What jewellery do you wear 24/7?: 2 rings (left hand: Superman. right hand: Celtic braid) and a wrist band
Would you rather be on time and look OK or 10 minutes late and look great?: There's nothing I hate more than being late.
Favourite piece of clothing: My heavy machinery shirt. Don't ask why, I don't know.
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: Who the fuck cuts spaghetti?
How many cereals in your cabinet? At least five. I like variety.
What utensils do you use to eat pizza?: Utensils? what the fuck? What the hell do you think fingers are for?
Do you cook?: Yep

How often do you brush your teeth?: Every day
How often do you shower/bathe?: Daily, though days off often get neglected if I plan on spending the day in my pj's on the couch.
How long does your shower last?: 5-10 minutes

Do you swear?: Fuck yeah
Do you ever spit?: Yeah, I'm such a lady

Do you use an alarm clock?: Yeah, but I always wake up before it goes off.
Ever suntanned nude? No, but I have an awesome graveyard tan.
Window seat or aisle?: Window, I hate fucking aisle seats.
What's your sleeping position?: on my side usually, sometimes my stomach
Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?: Absolutely not
Do you snore?: I'm normally sleeping when that would be going on.
Do you sleepwalk?: Nope
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: No, I have two cats. I don't need stuffed animals

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Attitude then eyes.
WHICH IS BETTER... *Coke or Pepsi?: Pepsi...then PC Key lime cola...then water...then milk...then spoiled milk...then Coke.
Oranges or apples?: Oranges
One pillow or two?: 2
Pools or hot tubs?: Pool
Blondes or brunettes?: I'm not picky, but it seems like I'm doomed to marry a redhead
Tall or short?: taller than me but not a giant
Beach or pool: either
Hamburger or Cheeseburger?: Veggi burger
Morning or night?: Night.
Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?: Halloween
Cake or ice cream?: Ice cream cake
Dog or Cat?: Both
Bath or shower?: Shower

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...
Took a shower?: Yesterday
Watched Bambi?: years ago
Talked on the phone: Last night
Read a book? about an hour ago
Punched someone? Yesterday

Where do you see yourself in ten years? Not here
Who are you going to be married to?: Married? who are you kidding?

Name Game '06

Dan from www.planetdan.net is doing the Name Game thing again.
You can fill out entries here ---> http://www.planetdan.net/junk/names/06/planetdan_namegame_06.txt
The deadline is May 7th, so join the fun while you can.

(Not so) Exciting News!

Kill the body now has a sister site. It's not really all that exciting , but you can check it out here. It's a work in progress and you can feel free to add your own shit.